W.A.S.P.

In the 80s, shitty metal bands were a dime a dozen, especially those with a bad gimmick. Enter W.A.S.P., a really terrible band with a lead singer that decided to call himself, "Blackie Lawless." As if reading the back of one of their albums, and finding a guy with that name on it were not a deterrent enough, the band decided to make some of the most boring, generic metal music ever.

Part of their gimmick was to dress up as "shock rockers," but the only real thing shocking about their costumes, was the fact that there was actually someone willing to come up with costuming that goofy looking.

It cannot be stressed enough that 80s metal consisted of some of the worst songwriting ever. Musically most of the bands were really talented, but when it came to actually writing lyrics, it was such a half-assed effort, that you'd assume they outsourced that job to China. Nothing, however, spells out the pure vapidness of their total image like their hit song, "Animal (Fuck Like a Beast.)

I got pictures of naked ladies
Lying on their beds
I whiff that smell and sweet convulsion
Starts a-Swelling inside my head
I'm making artificial lovers for free
I start to howl I'm in heat
I moan and growl and the hunt drives me crazy
I fuck like a Beast

I come round, round i come feel your love LIKE AN ANIMAL!
Tie you down, down i come steal your love LIKE AN ANIMAL!
I come round, round i come feel your love LIKE AN ANIMAL!
Tie you down, down i come steal your love LIKE AN ANIMAL!

I'm on the prowl and i watch you closely
I lie waiting for you
I'm the wolf with the sheepsskins clothing
I lick my chops and you're tasting good
I do whatever i want to, to ya
I'll nail your ass to the sheets
A pelvic thrust and the sweat starts to sting ya
I fuck like a beast

I come round, round i come feel your love LIKE AN ANIMAL!
Tie you down, down i come steal your love LIKE AN ANIMAL!
I come round, round i come feel your love LIKE AN ANIMAL!
Tie you down, down i come steal your love LIKE AN ANIMAL!



Come ride, savage seduction
Ride, ride, ride

To write such an amazing piece of poetry, the band decided to spend an entire 48 hours, shoving crushed jalapenos up their ass, and reading National Geographic. In all reality, ol' Blackie is quite taken with himself, but I'm sure he's disappointed more than a few women in the sack.

Kids ate this shit up though, and parents were revolted. W.A.S.P. was a serious target by congress and Tipper Gore, until they realized it was just a bunch of badly dressed clowns singing about nothing.

Sometime around the late 80s, early 90s, America had finally had enough of W.A.S.P. and they were told to kindly leave. However not quite getting the point, they stuck it out and you can find them still on tour, though really it's just Blackie Lawless and an ever changing lineup. The rest of the band I assume got the message.