Poetic K!

Ladies and gentlemen,

I just got an add request from the official Poetic K! fan page!


I declined of course, but not before punishing myself with her sonic garbage. Pop punk? Rock? Experimental? Those were the three genres she listed herself as most resembling. I can't say I heard any of that, unless you count experimental, and this is some sort of sick social experiment. Actually it is.

Poetic K! is the brain child of Republican Senator, Saxby Chambliss, in an effort to make kids hate Rock and Roll music. Believing he was sent on a mission from God, he set out to find the only mentally retarded female that hasn't been on the Howard Stern Show, and put her in front of a microphone. He looked high and low, until he realized he must travel to Germany.

Once he found her, he kidnapped her and held her hostage in a van. He handed her a crayon and told her to write what she felt. The first thing that she put on paper was, "Whatever you want to do, we can do it baby!" This excited the senator's genitals, having long thought they were unable to be rescued from the mundane and unexciting drudgery that was his wife's vagina.

She began to read verse after verse of mind numbingly bad lyrics, and with every word she read, he stroked his engorged member, until he finally shot a load into her face that had been so pent up, it nearly blew a hole through her head.

"Stop drilling, you've struck oil!" he exclaimed, and he took her to the basement studio of a really shitty high school garage band.

"Work your magic on her!" he said. And with that they began recording.


You might be asking yourself by now what this music sounds like. Let me tell you. It sounds like Gwen Stefani, stabbed Pink in the throat, and tried to sing like Sinnead O'Connor through the stab hole. This is all set to the soundtrack of a terrible high school garage band who thought it would be awesome if they crossed Nirvana, with NOFX, with Jimmy Buffet.

All of this in an attempt to distract you from the BP oil disaster.

But I digress.

This music is so terrible, not even the world's biggest hipster would be ironic enough to listen to it. I think that in itself explains a lot. If you are dumb enough to even check this out... in fact no I DARE you to check this out.

-11 out of 5 stars.

Click here to punish your brain for all that rational thought it's been doing lately.