Chunky Deuce Deuce

Making fun of shitty music on myspace is like shooting fish in a barrel. Being the best at making fun of myspace music is like being the best guy who mans the drive-thru at Taco Bell. So in no way do I make what I do seem to be more spectacular than it really is.

In come Chunky Deuce Deuce. Remember when I said making fun of shitty music on myspace is like shooting fish in a barrel? Well making fun of this guy is like shooting fish in a barrel, with a RPG-7.

The story of ol' Chunky, is a rather humorous, yet depressingly pathetic one. See it all starts with a pal who works at this really shitty store called Best Buy. You may have heard of it. Anyway, in a genius move unprecedented by none, he decided his laptop computer would be safest in his car, in the parking lot, while he was inside helping mouth-breathers make important decisions about computers. When it's time to go home, he returns to his car to find his precious laptop stolen. Lucky for him though he kept the serial number, and was able to find it at a pawn shop somewhere. So after retrieving his laptop back safely, he opens it up to find photos of some ugly hick, and and even bigger surprise, rap songs recorded by said ugly hick.

So what would you do? Well he put the music up on myspace that's what he did!

That's the story as I remember it being told to me.

The first track on his page is called "We Runnin'" which seems to be an accurate prediction of what everyone who listens to this will be doing. In fact, I spent so much time "runnin'" that I am now fully prepared to run the Boston Marathon. This opus seems to be about getting pulled over for smoking weed in his car. In the song he sticks it to the man by killing the cop and looking for a place to hide. Lucky for him, he's bland enough looking to blend in with everyone else. At the beginning of the track he manages to stutter out, "Yo, first track on The Life of a Lonestar Texan" and let me tell you, when I heard that I immediately became jealous that this guy of all people, came up with the most brilliant name for an album EVER.

Then of course there is "Doin' Time" which is pretty much what I felt like I was doing every single moment I was listening to this. Thankfully the ever street smart Chunky has informed me however that if I, "snitch on a nigga" I'm "gonna get slit" and all I can say is that's very sound advice.

In "Life of a Lonestar Texan" Chunky has decided to inform us that he's "not black." No shit? Really, no shit?

If you listen to this, beware, this guy has no flow whatsoever, like he's suffering from brain damage. In fact, I once saw a kid with a suttering problem try to rap "Momma Said Knock you Out" and it had better flow. His lyrics tell me that he either has an IQ of 75, or he's taken to hiring child labor to write them. I don't know what else I can tell you about this, other than don't listen.

0 out of 5 for being completely brain dead and retarded but 5 out of 5 for being so pathetic that it's funny. So I'm rather conflicted.


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